Recently, the University of Vermont’s chapter of the Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity was suspended by both the university and the fraternity’s national headquarters. Leading up to these actions were a protest rally, an investigation that continues, and quick response by the university’s administration.
What was the fuss about? A fraternity questionnaire. It listed fifteen items and asked pledges (incoming prospective members) to add three more of their own design. One young man, still unnamed, came up with these delightful queries:
“Where in public would I want to have sex?”
“Who’s my favorite artist?”
“If I could rape someone, who would it be?”
What is it with contemporary young men and forced, painful sex? Earlier this year, several male students at another university were taken to task over a little chant that went something like this: “No means yes, and yes means anal!”
Here’s what I think.
Number one, they’re addicted to porn, probably over the internet, and have lost the ability to differentiate between what they view there and what real women – not the Photoshopped ones, or actors –are entitled to, which is considerate, thoughtful sex attached to authentic passion for the person, as opposed to the tough-guy pose of “I stick it where I want when I want”, which is so little boyish it’s ludicrous. That’s what boys do with toy soldiers and GI Joes, make them act as they wish. Later, they do the same thing with chess pieces and video games.
Doing it with real people is a fundamental mistake.
Number two, these guys have no idea what anal sex or rape (vaginal or anal) feels like.
A modest proposal, this, but it could catch on: Let’s make sure that if they want anal sex, they have to first experience it on the receptive side. You want anal sex? Terrific. Drop trou and invite your best-endowed friend to have a go. Think rape is a joking matter? Tell the same guy that you yearn to experience the “thrill” of rape, and tell him to spike your beer with a date-rape drug some night when you’re unawares. Again, give him a shot.
There, now you’ve experienced forced sex, painful sex, sex that frightens you, sex you cannot stop, and which perhaps went farther than you planned. Maybe your rectum was lacerated by the friction, and you’re bleeding. Perhaps the rapist pulled your confused, limp body not to your room, or to his, but to a local fraternity where more than one man violated you. Maybe you were beaten, and woke with teeth missing and bruises over your entire body.
Fun, was it? Something you want to repeat?
It’s no laughing matter. Painful sex is not what anyone’s body was designed for. To impose sexual pain on another person is going against design (it’s especially important for allegedly religious men to understand this, because the designer, they know, is God), it’s assault and battery, it’s torture.
It’s no laughing matter.