In the aftermath of the horrendous shooting near UCSB (University of California-Santa Barbara) which killed six people and injured many more – the suiciding perpetrator claimed that it was “revenge” for his lack of success with girls, even though a longtime friend says the 22-year-old forever expected girls to come to him, he couldn’t be bothered approaching them – many people have spoken out:
The Washington Post film critic, on why the perp’s behavior was just farther over on the spectrum from the we-deserve-women ethos of Judd Apatow’s movies; the article contains an embedded video of the writer’s response to criticism of her initial article.
The Twitterverse, which countered “but not every man” protests with the powerful #YesAllWomen. That hashtag has been tweeted more than a million times. And counting.
And this massively great article with embedded video by a male YouTuber.
You must watch this one.
Because the man is trying to educate other males – “nice” guys, assholes, and dudes in between – about the fallacy of being anything other than kind and interested in the women around them as human beings.
Shock, am I right?
Not sex objects, not pieces of meat to be counted and disposed of, not a collection of body parts to use – human beings. With feelings, opinions, choices of their own, to be respected.
The same way men want to have their individuality, their personhood, respected.
Apparently a novel concept for some guys. Most guys. Almost all guys.
A girl’s attention is not a prize to be given to someone who strikes up a conversation, brings flowers, acts like a healthy person. You don’t get the woman by doing ordinary courteous things. She’s not a marker you receive for making the right moves. She owes you nothing.
Yet being a nice guy (correction, kind guy – “nice” is overused) doesn’t mean giving up dreams or opinions. It doesn’t mean not standing up for the right things. It certainly doesn’t mean regarding a woman as though she’s perfect. Human, right? Hence allowed her own imperfections.
And it doesn’t mean bitching because some girl doesn’t want a relationship with you. As the YouTuber points out, nice guys aren’t in the friend zone. Friends are in the friend zone. You want to be more than a friend, tell her. Risk rejection. Don’t complain if she says no. No is an okay answer. Accept it. Rather than calling her names, work on yourself. Get better. Not better as a PUA (pickup artist), better as a P (person).
Make it easy for a woman to say no. Women are frightened of what might happen if they say no to a phone number request; most would rather give a fake number than risk needing facial reconstructive surgery. No joke, NO JOKE.
#YesAllWomen is a terrific start on getting millions of men to understand that they don’t understand the world women live in. (I’ve said before in this blog that men ought to try to imagine alien beings, Thrids, at least seven feet tall and filled with lust for the adult male human anatomy. Solely the male. Guys, picture walking by a group of Thrids, getting to work on a crowded bus, going to a party. Gross and disgusting Thrid behavior, right?)
It is horrible that people had to die to get women’s experience and anger out there. But it was the tipping point. You cannot stuff the truth back in the bottle, no matter how uncomfortable it is to acknowledge.
And those nice guys the shooter claimed to be one of? Yeah, like kind-guys-for-real insult women, threaten them, try to push them off ten-foot-walls, write manifestos denying their right to exist, then go flaming through a series of drive-by shootings. Besides being mentally ill, the guy was an over-privileged jerk who should have been arrested or in custodial care with a psychiatrist.
Definitely not a kind guy.
Watch the video, and forward it.