Tag Archives: Adrian Peterson

Cris Carter Rocks

NFL Hall of Famer Cris Carter

 

Of all the responses to the news that Minnesota Vikings Adrian Peterson (6-foot-1, 217 pounds) hit his little 4-year-old son with a wooden switch/branch, raising welts on his inner thighs, breaking the skin, and even hitting his genitals, the most powerful so far has been that of former Minnesota Vikings Cris Carter, football Hall of Famer, who is now an analyst on televised sports shows.

 

Here’s the video of what he said on ESPN’s “Sunday NFL Countdown”.

 

Here’s some paraphrased text of his passionate words:

 

“This goes across all racial lines, ethnicity… People believe in disciplining their children. People with any kind of Christian background, they really believe in disciplining their children. My mom did the best that she could do with seven kids … But there are thousands of things that I have learned since then that my mom was wrong. This is the 21st century; my mom was wrong… And I promise my kids I won’t teach that mess to them. You can’t beat a kid to make them do what you want them to do. The only thing I’m proud about, is the team that I played for, they did the right thing [in suspending Peterson].”

 

Unfortunately, after Carter’s statement, Adrian Peterson was reinstated by the Minnesota Vikings and would have played this coming weekend – except that today, the news is that citizen activists have taken their protests to the entities that apparently matter: the advertisers. As of today, Peterson has been advised not to even approach the Vikings playing field.

 

Money talks.

 

As to NBA player Charles Barkley’s allegation that “all” black parents inflict corporal punishment on their children – disproved, obviously, by Cris Carter’s emotion-filled video – Slate repeats what most of us are thinking: “everybody’s doing it” doesn’t make it right and healthy.

 

“Normal” just depends on what the group is doing. (In concentration camps, “normal” was seeing people go up in smoke.) That’s a terrible standard. What we seem to be turning to, where I hope we’re going, especially in the discussion of violence against children, is a higher standard:

 

Healthy.

 

 

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Conflict-Free Divorce Is Just As Damaging To Children As Conflictual Divorce? Really? And Is It More Damaging Than Living In A Home With Both Parents But Filled With Conflict, Rape, Abuse . . .?

A child’s brain

 

A recent article suggests that what used to be called “European divorces” – where the parents act civilized and put their children’s needs first and foremost – is just as damaging to kids as conflict-driven divorce.

 

Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

When my eldest daughter was a college first-year, early on in the fall semester she and her hallmates engaged in a meet-up moment in the dorm, trading histories in a circle with coffee. Many of them had divorced parents. Lots of those parents had handled the circumstances badly, despite their educations (high) and wealth (ditto). The girls spilled tales of nastiness, verbal abuse, can’t-be-in-the-same-auditorium-together and vengeful holidays.

 

When my daughter’s turn came, she hesitated, then told of her parents: how they not only attended her sports events but actually sat together; how holidays were conflict-free; how they worked hard to make sure the children whose lives they had disturbed experienced as little pain as possible.

 

Wow, said her listeners. We would give anything if our parents would act like that.

 

In my work as a mediator, I’ve seen too many divorcing parents who are at each other’s throats, with – as we examine the effect – surprise that their children are hurt by their immaturity. Sometimes one ends up murdering the other – and/or the children, too.

 

I’ve also seen collaborative parents whose older children actually tell them how pleased they are to be living with less furor than their peers.

 

Case closed.

 

Yet there’s another aspect of this: Even if conflict-free divorce were hard on children, would it be harder or more dangerous than life for children where both parents stay married to each other, but where the family home is rife with conflict, abuse, assault and rape?

 

That cannot be. Because living in those homes is terrible for kids. Sir Patrick Stewart, now age 74, still recoils from memories of his father’s physical rages against his mother, beatings that local police did nothing to help, for which local ambulance staff even blamed the victim.

 

Because Ray Rice is in the news, let’s think for a moment of his little daughter’s experience of life. So far, her parents have been in conflict. There’s been verbal abuse. There’s also been horrifying physical violence perpetrated by her father. Since it was clear from Rice’s behavior on that dreadful video that it was not the first time he had punched the mother of his child, chances are that their toddler, Rayven, has already witnessed violence.

 

Every act of violence, every word of conflict, acts on children’s minds just like a drug does. Agitation and fear wash through them, setting up a cascade of neurochemicals that have the power to change circuitry. It alters their brains.

 

If the abuse is directed at them – physical abuse like that suffered by Adrian Peterson’s little four-year-old son, whom the football player (6-foot-1 and 217 pounds) assaulted with a whip-like branch; rape and sexual assault; the daily slaps common in some cultures – children’s brains receive an even greater neurochemical flood. Now the brain itself is under attack. The changes in it may never recede. It may be primed to run, to attack, to freeze, rather than rationally approach life. It is no longer a healthy brain. It is the damaged brain of a survivor. Just as a scar tells of a wound to the skin, a child’s behavior can reveal what she endured at the hands of people bigger than she.

 

So, is conflict-free divorce worse than that?

 

I don’t think so.

 

 

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